Another Milestone of Sorts

It has been a very nice week without the children. My wife got back from New Jersey this past Tuesday evening and it has been just the two of us this week. The children are being well taken care of in New Jersey by Grandma and company this week and will be back next week. They come back with Grandma and their cousin which starts off our visitors this month. Grandma stays for a week and the following week my brother-in-law and his family will arrive for a one week visit. This week could be considered the “calm before the storm” and in any event it has been a nice respite with just my wife. We have had a great weekend going out to dinner and seeing a very funny movie (The Hangover). Today my wife was kind enough to allow me to play golf with my friends who were visiting from Las Vegas and it is always good to see them.

Wow; what a difference three years makes; yes, it was three years ago today I was sentenced and to say that wasn’t such a good day would be a bit of an understatement. However; that was the beginning of the end and the start of a wonderful beginning. I had been dreading that day three years ago but when it happened I was certainly relieved because all the waiting and not knowing had come to an end. I could concentrate on my sentence which was in judicial terms four years which meant I would serve two years and if I made it to fire camp that sentenced would be reduced. I was fortunate enough to make to fire camp and I ended up serving 19 ½ months of those 24 months which was certainly blessing.

I have now been out a little over 16 months and my life is incredible. I have been bestowed with incredible blessings and I never have a right to complain about anything. I certainly chose not to complain about anything because my life is turning out the way it was intended. I did deviate from this wonderful life but thanks to recovery I am right back on track and this track is even more beautiful than it has ever been in my life. I was rejoined by my family just about one year ago and I have been fortunate enough to land a fantastic job in this dreadful economy. Yes, wow I am a very fortunate person in every way possible.

Life is moving along as well as possible and it would be a disservice not to mention more about recovery. I have a job that is all about recovery and although my position is not exactly recovery related I do understand recovery fairly well. This all stems from the Gamblers Anonymous Program and yesterday morning I spoke with a member who is new to the program and was struggling. We talked for awhile and I mentioned a few things and I was happy to hear, “You’re right” a few times during our conversation.

I don’t believe this was just lip service and I do hope this person did the things we spoke about. The furthest thing on my mind is placing a bet but this was one of the first things on this person’s mind. I utilized the tools in the program and reminded this person to “play the tape all the way through”. This is so important because I know there isn’t anything good that happens when I gamble. I had such a twisted mindset when I was gambling I often wonder how I functioned all those years. Yes, hopefully this member does play the tape all the way through and continues doing the things that has made them successful.

I needed this telephone call because I do need to be reminded where compulsive gambling can take me. There is no guarantee in life and the only thing I can do is stay mindful of doing the right things. This may seem over simplistic but keeping it simple does help me tremendously. I do the right things and the right things happen. I do the wrong things and the wrong things happen. Yes, that is a very simple choice and I cannot forget where I was three years ago to this very day. That was a journey and this journey continues in a much better manner.

What 27 Years Already???

I am “baching” it this week as the family continues their visit in New Jersey. In the years past I would like forward to these times of me being a “bachelor” but not anymore. I miss them and life is fairly uneventful without the family. Yes, I was without my family for nearly 2 years and 19 ½ months of those 2 years I was in place no one should ever experience but thankfully those days are long gone. It has been uneventful these past few days and really I could only work so long during the day and I can only exercise so much during the weekend. I look forward to the return of my wife this week as the children stay for one more week visiting the family. I am so fortunate to have such a great family on both sides of the aisle. There is so much family back in New Jersey that I know the children are in good hands and will continue their great visit.

I haven’t been doing much with myself over the past few days other than the aforementioned work, exercise and yesterday I reintroduced myself to my golf clubs. I hadn’t swung a golf club in nearly six months and it was good to get out on the golf course. There really isn’t much time for golf nowadays with the children’s activities on the weekend and work during the week. It seems like I always “found” time in the past to get out and play golf but that time is so much more precious today and I would much rather be at a baseball or softball game on the weekends as opposed to chasing a little white ball around! I did have fun chasing the little white ball yesterday and even though I couldn’t hit a lick on the driving range my swing seemed to return and it was a very fun round.

I didn’t ask anyone to play so I went out by myself and played the first 7 holes by myself. I was really enjoying that period of time and swinging the club very well. I did pair up with a very nice gentleman for a few holes and my game seemed to suffer during those holes. I don’t know what it was but I seemed to play much better by myself and it seems if I am going to play a good round of golf no one should be around!! That wouldn’t be much fun and I do enjoy the company of my friends while playing golf but yesterday no one was available so I made do and it was alright.

Work is moving along and I have several projects I need to complete in the coming days. I need to motivate myself much better and realize I am much better at managing people than I am at doing the actual work. That is probably a bad thing but it is the truth. I do manage only one person in the office and this is a pleasure. I have always found it better to treat people like adults and let them make their own decisions. This has worked out great over the years and it seems to be working out very well now. I am not a micro-manager but I am always there to answer any questions and offer advice. I can remember a few episodes in my “previous life” where I would just shake my head as to how other managers treated their subordinates. Fortunately in my current environment I don’t have to shake my head anymore.

I had a horrible run yesterday morning and for the first time in a very long time I just wanted to stop running before I was finished. I fought through the last few miles and did stop after 12 miles. I initially wanted to do 16 miles but I was winded and had enough at mile 12 calling it a day. I did try to cycle for another 30 minutes but I listened to my body at the 12th minute as I headed for the shower. It was interesting how I felt so bad at a pace I have done and exceeded many times prior. It was one of those and yes, those days do happen but thankfully they are few and far between.

Yesterday the Fourth of July marked the 27th anniversary of the first time I met my wife. Yes, it was 27 years ago we went out on our first date and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I was at a picnic with my Dad and a very good friend of mine (at that time). We returned early and I was talked into going on a double date that night and now 27 years later along with a great deal of memories and two extraordinary children life is wonderful. It is funny how a seemingly insignificant event turned into a momentous event. This is exactly why all moments should be experienced with open arms because who knows what may transpire from that one moment. I wouldn’t have predicted that going on that double date would lead to a life with such an extraordinary person in my wife. I just thought “why not?” and look what happened. There were so many “what ifs” 27 years ago and this crazy plan by a Higher Power is magical; thankfully because of recovery I am able to really embrace the wonderment of life. Wow; 27 years; where has the time gone and guess what it is not about to slow down! I love you sweetie and thank you for everything!!!!

Returning "Home"

The trip to New Jersey has come and gone so quickly. Here I am once again sitting on airplane but this time the airplane is headed west back to California. The visit went well and now my wife is staying one more week and the children will be staying two more weeks. It was great to see everyone and there was an added bonus this time as my Dad was in New Jersey. This was the first time I had seen my Dad in nearly 5 years. Yes, 5 years which was “before” all the “stuff” had happened. We went to Florida (that is where my Dad lives with his very special wife) back in 2004 to visit my Dad for his 60th birthday and the summer of that same year my Dad came out to California to visit us. I hadn’t seen him since that time and oh yes a great deal has transpired between the last time we had seen one another.

My father was not exactly a big “fan” of mine over the past four plus years when all Hell broke loose and rightfully so. The quote that sticks out in my mind when was my father said to me, “I love you but I don’t like you very much,” when it all started over four years ago. Thankfully our relationship has gotten so much stronger through all of this and from that initial quote I got a very big hug a few days ago from my father as he said, “I love you.” I did tell him I loved him as well and oh yes, I am so fortunate how everything continues to work out for the very best.

I had no idea where all of this was going back four years ago all I could do is live one day at a time. Yes, I owe this all to the Gamblers Anonymous Program and my life is filled with incredible joys. These incredible joys are daily and this past weekend it was indeed wonderful seeing my father and giving him that big hug. It does appear I have come a very long way in a short period of time and I must be mindful because all of this is fleeting. If I lose focus or get complacent it can all come crashing down at any moment. I have no plans or intentions of losing focus or getting complacent which is why I love and embrace recovery one moment at a time. The past few days have been filled with wonderful moments and seeing my Dad along with everyone added to those special moments.

The Christening went well and it is truly amazing how quickly the children are growing up. My sister who resides in New Jersey has three children and all three of her children are older than my children. Her oldest just graduated from high school and is headed to college in a few months. My nephew who turned 16 a few months ago is a taller than me and such a great person. My sister’s youngest who is only 10 months older than my daughter is almost a foot taller than my precious daughter; time does wait for no one and keeps on moving on so rapidly. It was great seeing them and it was great seeing the nieces and nephew on my wife’s side of the family. They are a little younger than my children but they are going so rapidly as well. One niece has gone through so many ordeals that no person let alone a five year old should go through yet is still a very normal five year old. The new niece is so cute and the littlest nephew is a typical three year old.

I was able to visit with my 86 year old grandmother who has battled her share of health problems over the very recent years yet her mind is so sharp. Wow; I have been blessed with such a special family on both sides of the aisle. Thankfully I am now more aware of these blessings than I have ever been at any point in my life and yes, this is directly related to recovery.

I was able to get in two runs during the visit and these were very good runs outside in the greenery of New Jersey. Yes, believe it or not New Jersey does have greenery in spite of its reputation and with all the rain the area has had it was very green! It was so nice to just run and enjoy the area. I still prefer California for a many reasons but New Jersey really isn’t so bad! I know my wife will enjoy the remainder of her stay and our children are in great hands with their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and all the rest of the wonderful people who provided so much love while they lived there for two years. Life is an amazing journey and this journey is truly tremendous.